Father's Day

My grandpa is in town this weekend. There's no exclamation point for a reason... He's a pretty cool guy, but one can only stand his company in short bursts. I have the pleasure of hanging out with him for two days. I'm half-way through! Don't get me wrong, I love the man but being around him is just depressing.

My grandma has Alzheimer's disease. She's quickly getting worse, and I haven't seen her in almost a year because she wasn't coherent the last time I visited her. I know I need to see her one last time, but I need to be prepared for an absolute rush of negativity that the visit will put on me. I'm not sure how much longer she has.

We've all seen the notebook, right? Well think of the scene where the family is visiting Noah and trying to convince him that Allie is gone and she's never going to come back. That's what it's like right now, but my grandpa has fought so hard saying that she's getting better and better every day that he sees her. She's talking to him, and starting to act normal around him and asking to come home. At least that's what he tells us. It's hard to believe, because if she actually has Alzheimer's disease it's impossible.

My grandpa loves his wive and will fight to say that God will heal her because He is a good and gracious God and that he only punishes those with disease that somehow deserve it. It's hard to talk with someone that thinks this every day of their life. A man who blames himself for his wife's illness is not much of a joy to be around, but I will always love him. I am sad for him when he is around, because the situation is so much more real than ever before. The woman he loves is dying, and slowly at that. There will be a day when she leaves him; whether in death or just in absolute memory loss. My family prays that day will come sooner rather than later. We are all emotionally drained when around the situation.

This was a negative post on a supposed-to-be celebratory day, and for that I apologize. Death is a very real part of life, and the sooner we become comfortable with the notion of it, the better life will be. Love those that you love and love those that you hate, because you never know when they will be gone from your life; whether it be physically or mentally.

Listen to Your Heart

This post has been a long time coming. I have had two relationships this year, and both have ended for the same reasons: I'm scared of what the future holds and I want to do amazing things in my life that hold me back from "being with" someone.  Don't get me wrong, I really do like being in a relationship.  I think every girl craves it inside.  I just let my mind run when I'm in one.

My desire is to travel and live oversees.  Now finding a man to do that here, and one that likes me at that, is pretty much hopeless.  It's not a sad thing, but realistic.  I'm a down to earth girl who sometimes acts like a boy and doesn't care about what a whole lot of people think about her.  The guys I attract are the ones looking for their wives, and I am not ready to be tied down.

Marriage is not a bad thing, but I just don't want it right now.  I want to have fun with friends.  I also want a relationship with a boy, but I know that it would be hard for me to have anything along those lines unless his life plan matched mine perfectly.  For those that down know my life plan, this is an extremely slim chance.  I want to move to the middle-east after college.  I want to start a life oversees and communicate with people from different faiths and build close relationships with them.  My passion is to have us all love one another through our differences and through understanding each other rather than just going off of what certain people say about certain religions.  It will be a tiring and stressful lifestyle, but it's what I am being called to do.

What I want in a husband is a strong Christian man; which most likely would not agree with my lifestyle choices.  I am completely aware of this, and have thought about it a lot.  Sometimes I think it would be better if I just married someone that didn't have a strong faith or had a faith outside my own.  I tend to get along with those people more anyway.  The picture of the man I wanted when I was growing up is slowly blurring its way out of my mind, and I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.  In Red Oak I'm led to think it's bad, but in Norman it's the only thing that makes sense.

I really do feel like I'm two different people.  At college I'm striving to be this extremely caring and compassionate person for people of all colors and walks of life, but at home I'm encouraged to stick to the sidelines of Christianity and not ask questions or associate myself with people that are different from me. This white, American, Christian woman is getting tired of being marginalized into being with the norm of her faith.  I need to break out of my shell and see the world, but only when I'm in Norman.  I need to find who I am.

So as I listen to my heart and turn away another perfect guy and a chance of happiness, I am being called to follow my dreams.

Fast Approaching

Summer is coming quickly, and I am not ready for it. I've got about 4 papers to write before this semester is over, and am not prepared to write all of them. I'm getting crazy stressed but still not to the point where I feel like I need to write. I work best under stress and leave things to the last moment all the time. That's how I make A's. However, that needs to change.

I will be partially responsible for a sorority in the Fall and Spring this upcoming school year, and will have tons of duties that will need to be planned and finished WAY in advance. My Summer will consist of planning these things and hanging out with my fellow officers. I will be working and still try to take as many classes as possible so I can finish college. Also, I'll be a co-leader in a church camp for youth age kids. Needless to say, I won't have much of a Summer. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I like being busy, because when I'm not I'm incredibly bored. I love the spontaneity of life and flying by the seat of my pants. It's probably a horrible trait to have, but it makes me more chill and less freak-outish with certain situations.

I need to start buckling down these next couple of weeks to finish my papers. Prayers are definitely needed.

Relay for Life

I've been awake for about 19 hours today. Reasoning: Relay for Life. I will be at this event until 7AM and probably even later than that. I'm actually not tired yet. I guess that's the plus to all-nighters in college :/

I love that I am supporting the cure for cancer by staying up this late and raising money. I feel great about what I'm doing. I guess this really does prove the whole Joey and Phoebe challenge on Friends that you can't truly just do something because it's for a good cause. There's always an aftermath effect that is really nice.

A lot of people have left... A LOT. Like, it's pretty ridiculous. There had to have been about 400 people starting at 7PM, and I'm pretty sure that there are about 100 left. Maybe even less. People are leaving as I write this. I'm determined to stay for this whole thing, and awake at that.

There was also a wonderful artist that sang! His name is Jamie Bramble, and he was my favorite part of the night.

An update will come with how much OU raised for the cure.

Beat it!

Greg Mortenson and the rest of my day

The University of Oklahoma hosted Greg Mortenson today!!!! It was such an amazing talk! I laughed, cried and got more chills than I think I've ever gotten in my whole life. Just knowing that people are working in the world for the betterment of all peoples is so exciting to see. I enjoy hearing ALL about these things.

In other news, I woke up at 5:30AM this morning... no joke. I usually get up at 11AM.. or noon, so this was incredibly hard for me. The reasoning: I am the Chaplain for OU Sigma Phi Lambda for the '10-'11 school year. It's so tremendous! I've been wanting to be chaplain ever since I joined this sorority ('08). God answered my prayer long ago, and asked me to wait :) I'm so happy the waiting is over. I can't wait to serve God and my fellow sorority sisters! I hope I am truly up to the challenge, and I won't fail royally.

Interfaith Night

I am an officer of the Religious Studies Club at the University of Oklahoma and tonight we held an Interfaith Dialogue Night. I have been excited for this event for an extremely long time. It was amazing! We split up into groups with students of different faiths and talked! Really talked! It was wonderful to listen to all of the students and how they felt and what they believed in their different faith traditions. The majority of the students in attendance were Christians, Muslims, Jews and Baha'i. There were about 70-90 people at the event! An amazing turnout!

I believe the RELS Club at OU is going to continue doing this. We all feel like this is a great step in fighting prejudice and just really getting to know who people are. There should be no 'other.' We are all human.

I can't wait to host another event like this! I fully believe this is something that God is calling me to do. It's my job as a human to treat others as human. After all, the golden rule is in most (if not all) Religious Traditions.